I had this long (looooooooong) post that I was almost done with, full of frustration and melodrama and maudlin (and footnotes). And then last night, M and I want to Beaker & Flask for dinner with M & K, to celebrate M’s birthday, and it was a great evening, with gorgeous cocktails and wonderful food, and it was all lovely, and, you know what? M loves me. And even though he was congested last night, and fussed and snored, and I had stress dreams and overslept, this morning he asked what I wanted him to make for dinner, and I drove to work knowing that he loves me, and, just as importantly, he wants and values what I bring to this relationship & his life.
So, okay, maybe in some ways I am a Trainwreck McLoserpants, and maybe I’ll still post my long, long, exploration of the ways of assessing success and the loss (real or perceived) of progress, because it’s true too, at least sometimes. But even if I am a Trainwreck McLoserpants, I still get homemade pizza, and I had a lovely dinner last night, and even though I am still the freaking poster child for insecure and anxious, I think that I’m more secure in my relationships1 now than I have ever been before.
[1]With M, but also with everyone else.
